Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
