I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
