Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
