we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
