wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
