Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
