Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
