my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
