Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize