last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i think my mom watched the whole time
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
