So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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