didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
