I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
