Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
