don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
