I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
