I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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