all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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