Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
