Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
