yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
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at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
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Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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