oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
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