im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Randomize
