So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
