You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Randomize
