textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
