they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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