You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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