Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
