I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
