Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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