I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
