Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
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This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
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You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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