i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
