i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
