Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
