Even the bartender felt bad for me
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
