1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize