I just made out with a guy for $7.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
