I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I got chris browned last night
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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