I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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