either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
