I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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