Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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