The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
