She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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