I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.