If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across