you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker