Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
