peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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