He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.