i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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