Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
