You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
