After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
