Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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