Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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