Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Come share oat with me in your robe
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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