If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
