Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
