there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
