I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
