I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Randomize
