remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
