I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
The air taste purple.
Randomize
